GAY & GRAY!

i completely forgot which dvd it was that we were watching when we saw the preview for the gay flick Gray Matters. Heather Graham in a gay role! how cool is that?

good thing that my partner signed up at netflicks and got us a copy of the movie. as soon as we were done with work-related tasks, we practically put everything aside to give way to this much-anticipated film (who wouldn't be so eager to watch Heather?). but my interest for the movie was pretty much left stuck in the intriguing, witty title and gorgeous, hottie lead star.

Gray Matters is a feeble attempt to point up a manhattanite's better-late-than-never realization of her sexual orientation, which predictably led to her coming out affair. some scenes are so overly contrived that you could actually expect what they're gonna do or say next. imagine having that lustful lip lock that Gray and Charlie had and completely obliterate it from your memory the next day. did they actually think that we're idiots to believe such a lie? i've had my share of drunken nights in the past but i would never ever forget the naughty little things i did in those moments.

save for Gray's maudlin sentiments while inside the elevator with her brother, i don't think there was anything great about the script. yeah, Alan Cumming's cab driver role was a momentary breather and held back the movie's total slump. and yes, i am guilty for being at Rachel Shelley's beck and call anytime, anywhere.

IT'S COMPLICATED

it has been exactly eighteen months since i've put myself in this dreadful situation i am in. looking back, i never thought i could make it this far. but i did, albeit filled with such bitterness and hatred unbeknownst to my old self. i wasn't sure i could muster enough strength to leave the past behind. i know i didn't. as i look at myself now, i don't think i know the new me anymore than i did the old one. now that i'm trying to put in writing how i feel, i only end up with friendster's infamous status.

my embittered malaise has gotten me crazier, more foolish. at times, i laugh so hard i actually end up hurting myself. then there were those times that i would just drown myself in tears, hoping that they would wash away all the pain lurking inside me. it is so frustrating in a way, thinking about what you go through, and, as if the gods are all conspiring from making you feel bad to worst, you end up with more frustration than you could ever imagine.

and tomorrow's the 23rd. i probably need a drink.

ABOUT THE L WORD

it's almost embarassing to admit that Showtime's hit series The L Word had a lot to do with why my partner and i ended up together (the details i will have to keep to myself, of course). she immediately thought of introducing me to the hottest lesbian series in town, and i must say that i immediately got hooked right after i watched the first episode.

my naivete in regards to lesbian relationships and lifestyles was somehow obliterated, thanks to Bette, Tina, Jenny, Marina, Shane, Alice, and Dana. Each of the character was genuinely fascinating and amusingly complicated. Bette and Tina, who are enjoying an eight-year monogamous relationship, have decided to take it to the next level by starting their very own family. Jenny is an ingenious yet highly unusual writer who becomes in touch with her queer side while in a heterosexual relationship. The most luscious in the group, Shane is the quintessential androgynous type. Dana is the archetypal closet celebrity for fear of losing high-paying endorsements. Marina is the self-assured European lesbian who owns the chic coffee house where all of them get to hang out.

interestingly enough, all characters have a smidgen of reality in them, enabling the viewers to identify with the cast as well as the plot. the stark truth about these characters is probably one reason why The L Word became a smashing success.

The L Word is a celebration, as well as a revelation, of the lesbian life. by bringing in beautiful women, The L Word was able to thrust aside the lesbian stereotype as mostly mannish. it actually gives you a glance on the other type of lesbians called femmes or the lipstick lesbians. while the show wards off a few labels for lesbians, it also embarks upon issues identified with them, such as loyalty, honesty, and commitment, among others.

i can't wait to finish watching Season 4 and i'm already looking forward to Season 5. i hope there are more seasons to come for this series i have learned to love.

THREESOME

it has always been a dream of mine to start my very own family. at my age (i'm in my twenties), i already feel old, and the fact that everybody i know have already started theirs, all the more reason to be upset that i still am not financially ready to start one.

my partner and i discuss this matter from time to time (at times serious, then there were those moments that we would joke about it), but being both employed in a place where everything is unstable, i don't think it's good to start one here. not to mention that this place where we live brings back a myriad of bitter memories that are still very much intact (to tell about this would mean that i have to digress, so i'll save it for later posts).

but having a family doesn't restrict anyone to the conventional type. after being part of the audience of the very first dog show on this island, my dream didn't remain far-fetched that long.

thanks to paws, i met teacher michelle who, together with her co-teacher sarah, found four abandoned puppies. the good souls that they were, they took care of them. when michelle and sarah, through paws, advertised in the local paper that they needed a good home for these cute canines, my partner and i decided to adopt one. there were three male and one female pups, so we picked the only rose among the thorns.

i called them immediately, and the weekend after the call, i was already holding the poor fellow in my arms. michelle noted how comfortable the puppy was when i took her. the puppy didn't have much hair and she was quite thin (but she was the healthiest among the brood), but she looked really sweet (look how healthy and hilariously cute she is on the picture below!).

on may 26, my dream came true! my partner and i as the cool moms, and jarih (which means moon deity) as our baby: a family made in heaven.

********

my partner, the camera buff that she is, couldn't help but take pictures of our adorable boonie baby while she was sound asleep. to add fun to her already mischievous idea, my partner used our other brood, tala the stuffed tiger and didi the stuffed mouse, as props for this photoshoot. amazingly, jarih was snoozing the whole time she was photographed. =)

UNFINISHED

she traversed this path with trepidation, all because it was something unfamiliar in her inconspicuous and mundane existence. one moment she was raving about her emancipation from the shackles of her blissful-yet-in-the-end-was-a-failure relationship. next thing she knew, she was enmeshed in the cobwebs of an atypical one… yet it offered solace so intense and beguiling that embracing this aberration was inevitable.

it was one passionate and profound love affair. it was a meeting of the minds, emotions and souls of two individuals whose friendship and affection for one another have blossomed into devotion and a pledge of commitment to love and cherish the other. it was a clear manifestation that love defies conformity and knows no boundaries.

but to have the liberty to presume that, unlike other relationships that are customary or those that are founded on inconsequential matters, this kind evades the archetypal and foreboding concerns of the conventional ones is in itself a faux pas that can cost one’s (in)sanity. she surmised that since they were one and the same, there would be more respect for the other’s being (for who could understand a lioness better other than its own kind?) and that femininity and womanhood would be at its finest.

she stood corrected, albeit trembling and distraught.

absorbed in the thought of marriage of the minds, she disregarded the fact that she, too, was human—that she, too, was capable of the blunders of chauvinist pigs that loiter anywhere and everywhere. she paid no attention to her misgivings in the past, believing that everyone who perpetrated an error of judgment in a relationship deserves a second chance. more importantly, she had faith in her utterance of eternal ardor and a promise henceforth to glorious days together.

as she traced that same path, she realized belatedly that she repudiated the actuality of the circumstances that baffled them early on. this denial catapulted them to this poignant state of hostilities and despondency. in the end, the very entity that was expected to bring about much euphoria in their lives instigated anathema.

to articulate these thoughts of atrocity in her mind purports that ending this mess would be inexorable. but she is in a state of turmoil. inside her head is a pandemonium of logic and excuses on what to do and what not to do. she is helpless. she lacks the strength and the will to decide on the course of this matter. she is besotted with the thought that somehow, in the midst of this complexity lies hope equally ornate yet teeming with optimism and, possibly, a genuine kind of love.

she leaves it be.

FIRST ATTEMPT

starting a blog is one thing, and updating it is a different one. i have so much stories to share in this blog but i am at a loss for words. either i am not up for writing or my mind is too crowded with so many ideas that i don't know where to begin.

instead of spending my time writing a decent post, i find myself blog hopping yet again. since i consider myself a newbie in the pride community, it helps that i get to check out blogs that are related to the one i just started. these blogs could actually get you hooked! no wonder the number of lgbt blogosphere members has increased significantly.

i just hope that someone out there would take an interest on my blog. just a single soul, someone i'm not related to, and i would be overjoyed.

WHAT'S IN A BLOG NAME?

i have done some brainstorming which produced a couple of possible blog names before i settled with my queertessential grasp. i have searched high and low for a witty pun (perhaps acceptable is more like it) and i came across the word quintessential. a lightbulb flashed inside my head in an instant.

i used to be an ordinary girl living an ordinary life. this ordinariness, with a dose of broken heart drama, prompted me to venture on a job in an unfamiliar land courtesy of a college girl friend. she did not just pave the way for me to get a more lucrative job; more importantly, she taught me that love is not confined between two persons of opposite sex.

we both risked our six years of wonderful friendship by taking our relationship to the next level. we have been a couple for two years now--two years of ups and downs and in-betweens.

being in a lesbian relationship for the first time, i find myself overcome with a lot of emotions. having experienced the rigors of this kind of relationship has waned my emotional strength and intellectual capacity. this blog will let me share my understanding of the LGBT world. this blog will help me rationalize the choices i made and will make, the things i did and will do for this relationship. my queertessential grasp will be my bastion of sanity, my beacon of hope.

...I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

--Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

LONG OVERDUE

i've been meaning to blog about this particular chapter in my so-called life for quite some time now. but every time i face my office pc to actually do it, i end up having a batallion of excuses not to: work load, blogging illiteracy, art and lay-out skills (or lack thereof), etc.

makes you think i'm doomed to just having this as merely a grand plan, huh?

but after four days without a boss, two bottles of malt and a bottle of cheap wine, i guess i'm all set to blog.

this is as queer as i could go. so lend me your eyes.