it has been exactly eighteen months since i've put myself in this dreadful situation i am in. looking back, i never thought i could make it this far. but i did, albeit filled with such bitterness and hatred unbeknownst to my old self. i wasn't sure i could muster enough strength to leave the past behind. i know i didn't. as i look at myself now, i don't think i know the new me anymore than i did the old one. now that i'm trying to put in writing how i feel, i only end up with friendster's infamous status.
my embittered malaise has gotten me crazier, more foolish. at times, i laugh so hard i actually end up hurting myself. then there were those times that i would just drown myself in tears, hoping that they would wash away all the pain lurking inside me. it is so frustrating in a way, thinking about what you go through, and, as if the gods are all conspiring from making you feel bad to worst, you end up with more frustration than you could ever imagine.
and tomorrow's the 23rd. i probably need a drink.
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